“Under Re-Construction”

Hey guys, it has been a while since I have updated my blog. It has been in my thoughts to do so, but I just never seem to get to it. Could it be that I didn’t have much to share? 🤔 The recovery from the chemo meds continue at a slower pace than I had thought.  My nail beds are still discolored, I have long grey strands of hair dotted over my head and then I have dark hair trying to push its way through like peach fuzz……annnnd my eyebrows are hanging on by a thread! Lol 😄😄 with all that said I remain thankful!

The final stretch of this journey began last Friday when I had my reconstruction.  Let me first say my platic surgeon and his staff are the best!! The surgery was extensive lasting 5 plus hours since I chose to have the DIEP flap procedure. This is where the tissue is taken from my lower abdomen and is used to create my new breasts. The prep for this day included having expanders in to ready my skin to receive the new tissue. I was really excited about this day for reconstruction, I believe more so for the removal of those expanders. It is unbelievable the discomfort experienced over the past few months sporting those hard, punching bag like ‘implants’ from sleeping at night to just day to day activities. I know you are probably wondering, and the answer is YES! My ride or die sisterfriend Twyla was right there the entire time. Interestingly, we did not take any pictures this go round.  So I continue to remain thankful!

It has been a week since surgery. I am feeling good. Pain level is and has been at zero! Yes, I said ZERO!! I have experienced more stiffness than anything else. I ensure I am up and walking around, even up and down the stairs. I come down the stairs backwards which prevents the pull on my lower abdomen incision.  I feel like I am ready to get out and about as cabin fever set in after day 3. 😀 I’ve been trying to figure out where I can go that will have wheelchairs so I can at least wheel around in public if only for an hour. Of course, I will have to convince Twyla to be a partner in the plan since I am not able to drive. With that, I continue to remain thankful!

To close, I would like to thank everyone for their prayers, support and love through what has been one of the most challenging times in my life. I give GOD all the Glory to allow me to go through this with a smile on my face because I know what HE can do! So, with that I remain thankful with a smile on my face!

My GOD is Awesome!!

Post Chemo – The Journey Continues

Well, it has been one month and 2 days since my last chemotherapy treatment and my eyebrows continue to hang in there.  They might be a bit thinner than usual but they are still there. YAY!!  There are still some changes occurring as a result of the chemo such as dark spots under my feet, my nail beds turning dark (this has been happening for a while), burning on the bottom of my feet and in the palm of my hands (this also has been happening periodically as well).  So even though I feel like I am back to normal I still have subtle symptoms that tell me I am not quite there yet.   This is evident when I push myself to keep going as I did before, but the after effects of doing that result in extreme exhaustion the following day. 

As a follow up to my last chemo treatment, I had my SURVIVORS appointment a couple of weeks ago to go over the treatment that was done; the after effects; and what is next.  Can we just do a shout outSURVIVOR one more time? Woot! Woot! J My appointment went well, with some of the after effects that I mentioned above were also discussed.  I asked the ARNP how long it will take me to be back to 100% now that treatment is over.  Her response was, for as long as you had treatment, that is how long it will take before you are back to your 100% self.  So, exhaustion, the dark spots (sometimes even on the tongue), dryness of the skin, a bit of memory loss which I will blame all on chemo and none of it on my age!

Anyway, in the midst of all this my sister/friend Twyla strikes again!  With the support of some other friends a celebration for my birthday and being a SURVIVORwas planned and executed quite nicely.  So not only did I celebrate turning 51 (not looking too bad for 51…), but I also celebrated a new chance on life as aSURVIVOR of breast cancer!  I am so thankful for everyone that was able to be there to celebrate this special birthday with me, and for those who were there in spirit. 

While this journey is not quite over, I am going to continue to smile through it all.  Take whatever comes one day at a time and keep pushing through it all.  Breast cancer awareness should be 365 days, but in the mean time remember that the month of October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.  Please do what you can to contribute to Making Strides Against Breast Cancer by supporting the American Cancer Society. The Making Strides walk will take place in Jacksonville, FL., October 21, 2017.  Sign up, contribute, walk!  Feel free to sign up under the team Caroline’s Boobie Brigade!  Unfortunately, I will not be there because I will be on mommy duty for my daughter’s band championship but I certainly appreciate everyone’s support!

Thank you all for your continued support and love! Keep smiling!

PEACE & LOVE

It’s a Wrap – Round 4 Complete

On my last blog post Florida was in the midst of hurricane Irma.  There was so much devastation throughout the state especially in the Florida Keys. Here Iam now writing after the devastation that has taken place in Puerto Rico as a result of hurricane Maria. To those who have been affected by the last 3 hurricanes, I pray that you remain strong and hopeful. To those who can in some way I encourage you to do what you can to assist in whatever way you can, not only for those here in the U.S but also for those in the caribbean who have been greatly impacted by these storms.

It now gives me great pleasure to say that my chemo is now complete. I had my last treatment over a week ago.  As always my sisterfriend Twyla was right there by my side and my sister Fran was there via Whatsapp being updated on everything that was taking place since she was unable to be here. #hurricaneirma

This final round gave me a swift kick not the day after treatment but, 3 days after my treatment. Normally, the Monday following treatments (Thursday was treatment day), I would log in and work from home. Yes, I would not have a great deal of energy but I had enough to work from home. Well, this last Monday for the first time I was not able to work at all. I ended up having to take a vacation day which I used to lay on the couch all day! My energy level by this time was at a 2 at most, my stomach felt extremely yucky and let me tell you about that bone pain. 😣 The bone pain is a terrible feeling. I pride myself in having a high tolerance for pain, so I only take pain relief medicine if I just truly can’t take the pain. Well, I layed on the couch looking at two Tylenol caplets refusing to allow the pain to get the best of me…..well, the pain won! To be totally ho est I am not even sure that the Tylenol even worked on the bone pain, but it did help a little with the headache that I was also experiencing. It was a rough recovery but by God’s grace I made it!!

While I would love to say the journey ends here, it doesn’t. I still go for my weekly bloodwork to watch my counts and in another few weeks I will go for a check-in with my Oncologist. I am excited about that check-in appointment. Why you ask? Well, I have been asking him at every visit if I can have a pedicure done, but his response has held at a fast NO…..even when I told him my dogs (feet) were barking and begging to be taken care of professionally. He just gives me that ever present gentle sweet smile with a NO and tries to reassure me that my toes look fine as he looks down at my feet sporting the botched paint job that I gave myself.  But guess what guys, I am getting closer to that pedicure chair. Once my followup with him is done and he gives the green light…….watch out happy so lucky nails or whichever other nail salon…….here comes Caroline. Clear the schedule because these feet are going to take a while.

The next step in this journey will be my reconstruction. That surgery is scheduled for December, but before then I will meet with my plastic surgeon to discuss size and the procedure itself.  I have elected to use my own tissue that will be removed from my lower abdomen. I felt like this was the best option for me instead of implants, and hey I will be able to put some of that excess to good use. 😉

So as my eyebrows continue to hang in there, and my hair (using the word hair loosely) is in some type of transitional state, I remain thankful for all the support, prayers, well wishes and love I continue to receive. I am forever grateful as I keep on smiling. 😀

Peace & Love 💞💞

 

Round 3 – The Home Stretch

Before I begin let me just say we are in the midst of hurricane Irma in the state of Florida.  While my area is still waiting, we are seeing strong rains and some flooding in North Florida, while those in South Florida have begun feeling the full impact of Irma. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers, but let us not forget those in the Caribbean islands who have been devastated by this storm! I must also mention those who have been devastated by hurricane Harvey as well.  Let us continue to keep them in our thoughts and prayers.  It certainly has been a busy hurricane few weeks, I hope this is it for the hurricane season. Pray for all affected this hurricane season!

Well, I am on the home stretch.  The third round of chemo was completed a couple weeks ago and preparing for the final round this upcoming Thursday.  One thing I can say about these treatments, when you think you know how you are going to feel after it seems to change after each treatment.

After this third round of treatment, it seems I got tired much quicker.  My mouth seemed drier, that medicinal taste in my mouth was stronger and the bone pains from the Neulasta was extremely intense.  There were a number of other side effects but I won’t bore you all with the long list.  The up side of it all is that I have only one treatment left and I am ecstatic!!

Thank you as always to my sisterfriend (Twyla Jackson), who has been right there by my side every step of the way.  Thanks to my sister who has been there virtually every step of the way as well.  Her plans to come for my last treatment were just canceled due to that hurricane Irma!!!

So, as the final chemo treatment approaches, and my eyebrows still in tact I am ready to take it on and wrap this part of the journey with that smile still on my fact! 🙂

Round 2 Down

It’s been 2 weeks since my last chemo treatment and my eyebrows are still with me yay!! Once again, without a choice I took that chemo like a champ anticipating the after effects to be like the first treatment…….man down! However, there was a difference this time around.  You see, right after treatment my nurse attached a small gadget to my stomach that injected a small needle that would dispense meds 27 hours after treatmemt. I have to say these meds played a huge part in how I felt this time around. While I was still a bit fatigued I was not wiped out to the point where I could not get out of bed. I was able to get up, shower, get dressed and head downstairs. Now yes, once I did that I had to hang out on the sofa for a while to recover. So about every 2 – 3 hours I was able to get up and walk around after going in and out of sleep. The down side of this new medicine was the bone pain that is associated with it. Thankfully the after effects lasted only a week but was worth not being totally wiped out by the chemo.

Once again my sisterfriend Twyla was right by my side like a soldier! She has helped make this journey so much easier with her unwavering support. I must also give credit to her family (husband and children) who have also supported me in their own way as well. The Jackson family rocks and I love them so! I also have to mention my daughter’s grandparents who have also been so supportive as well. These two families are just a few of the many who have shown their love and support, and for that I am ever so appreciative.

I am beginning to mentally prepare for round 3 of chemo that is coming up this week. Once that is done, I will have only one treatmemt left and hopefully my eyebrows as well. 😜 They are hanging in there guys, but the hair on my head not so much though. Lol!! I’ve been rocking my scarves even though it makes me feel hot in this 90+ degree summer weather. No….. call me vain, but I will not go out with my bald head so I will just sweat it out. 😄

So in closing this weeks update I would like to say with all the love and support that I have for which I am thankful, I have to give GOD thanks as HE is the one who set up what is and what will be. HE is the one that has the blue prints of my life already laid out, so I will continue to give HIM thanks and praise.  Was it not for HIM, I would not be able to ‘Keep Smiling‘ through this journey.  I am forever Grateful, Thankful and Blessed!! 

I will keep on smiling because this bump in the road will not last forever!!

NO HAIR DON’T CARE!

This evening I decided to post an update off schedule. I am feeling quite a bit liberated today and had to share. Yes I am getting the hang of this public sharing thing.

So on Thursday as I sat at my desk on a conference call, I was listening intently as I had my hand in my hair as I normally do. Well, the next thing I knew, I felt some hair come off ever so easily in my hand. I ran my hand over my hair again, and once again felt some more hair come off in my hand. Within a split second the following thoughts and actions occured. ‘Oh crap, my hair is coming out!’ I started to laugh at myself as I continued to think….. ‘oh my goodness I have such a big head, not sure how cute that will look bald.’ This was followed by me trying to stick my hair back onto my head, again laughing at myself.  Don’t ask, I am not sure what exactly I was expecting to happen by doing that!! 

So of course the first two people I shared the news and picture of the hair in hand with were my sisters…… Fran and Twyla!! I told them how I laughed at myself especially as I tried to stick the hair back on my head. I do believe they both thought I was losing it, but then soon they realized I was ok.  You see, I think I was able to have that reaction because I know that my hair will grow back and  if it doesn’t then there are plenty of wig options out there. Maybe I would even try rocking a ‘Becky with the good hair’ wig. All kidding aside, it is just a part of the journey and I am embracing it. 

Over the past few days since, more hair started coming off, not from the root but breaking in the middle. Mind you my hair was already short so there really wasn’t much of a middle. By Friday evening my daughter pointed out a small bald patch in the back of my head.  Well, this morning, thay small bald patch turned into a bigger bald patch, so I pulled out my scarves that had been gifted to me for just this point of my journey.  I had actually begun teaching myself how to tie them so that I would be ready. Of course, pictures of the bald spot was sent to my sisters after which I received a text from Twyla, with an offer from my surrogate brother in law (Twyla’s husband) saying he would shave my head with his clippers if I wanted to take that next step. Well, I figured it’s either now or later so I did!! Felt a little anxious before I had it done, but reminded myself it is no big deal because it will grow back!!

I sat in that chair, with a smile on my face as I got my head shaved.  My ‘barber’ did a great job!  😆 What would I do without my extended family? 

Feeling a bit liberated! I am still smiling bald head and all!! It’s just all a part of the journey…….. my journey!

P.S. I still have my eyebrows!! 😆

​MAN DOWN – CHEMO ROUND 1

July 13th, now mentally prepared I walked into my Oncologist’s office for my first round of chemotherapy.  By my side as always my friend extraordinaire and surrogate sister Twyla, to provide her ongoing and unwavering support throughout my journey.  In hand I carried a bag filled with items I may need during my chemo treatment which included blanket, water, books, laptop, snacks and my meds.   I was ready to take on my first treatment. 
The process began with bloodwork, and then checking that the port that was placed earlier in the week was working as expected.  I made myself comfortable in the recliner, got my laptop positioned and went to work as the bags of ‘medicine’ were slowly fed into my body over a 3 hour period.  Of course pictures were taken at every step and shared with my sister who was not able to be here for my first treatment much to her distress.  

So the day of chemo, I was filled with energy even after the chemo was administered but the day after was the first indication that I was beginning to fade.  I got up, logged in to work from home which I was able to do but as the day progressed I felt my energy level slowly decreasing.  I made it through the day and even pushed myself to have dinner with the girls that evening.  As I sat at the table in the restaurant I think it was evident that my energy level had decreased even more.  The on the go person that I am stood strong taking a trip to a nearby store because I refused to allow this lack of energy to stop me,  Well by the next day (Saturday), there was ‘MAN DOWN!!’  The effects of the chemo treatment had won; I was sapped of every ounce of energy, barely able to get out of bed.  My brain felt like a cloud had formed blocking my ability to think clearly which I found out later is one of the symptoms associated with ‘Chemo Brain’.

Thanks to my baby girl and her grandma who took on the task to ensure that I ate and remained hydrated.  By Sunday morning I was still feeling drained but I pushed myself to get out of bed, take a shower and get dressed.  I felt extremely exhausted after I could be found making in imprint of my body on the sofa where I laid all day. I did prefer the view from the sofa where I remained all day, instead of from my bedroom. As the days went by I started to feel a little stronger. By day 10, I was back to feeling like myself so much so, that I was all over town the following Saturday.  I felt like I had just been released from isolation where I had spent an awful long time. I was able to feel the heat of the sun, hear the world around me on the outside! It felt great to get out! 

I will take the good days which  overshadow the not so good days and keep on smiling every step of the way!!  I will continue to take this journey one day at a time with a smile on my face.

Peace & Love

LET THE HEALING BEGIN!

Attitude is Everything!  I have always heard it said that the healing/recovery of your body is not only dependent upon the drugs prescribed, but is also dependent upon your inner thoughts, feelings and of course let us not forget prayer.  I am a firm believer in the positive approach of my thoughts, and feelings and yes, I am definitely all about prayer.  My prayers and your prayers for my complete healing.  I don’t want to come across as never having moments when I may have negative thoughts, I am human!  What I do is, I don’t allow those negative thoughts to consume me and rule how I feel all day and night.  It is not easy, but I make that conscious decision to continue to have a positive outlook as there are those whose journey makes mine seem like a stroll through the park.
As a positive start to my recovery, I did not spend more than 24 hours in the hospital after my mastectomy, I was able to go home to the comfort of my own bed and of course a restful nights sleep without nurses coming in and out of the room.  Well, that part about restful nights sleep did not really happen even though I tried.  Having to sleep on my back was difficult for me, not being a back sleeper and turning on my side was not an option.  I did however have king size pillows stacked all around me trying to achieve some sort of comfort.  The worst part of this healing was not even the incisions, but those 4 horrible JP drains, that are used to collect any excess fluid from the incisions.  The drains were attached to a couple high fashion accessories, (pink lanyards).  My sister Fran was right by my side through all the discomfort, providing as much encouragement as she could. 

After a couple of weeks, I did have a little bit of a set back with healing, but my plastic surgeon was on top of that making sure that all the tissue was healthy.  This was critical because he had to begin the process of filling the tissue expanders that were put in place to ready me for reconstruction.  

Based on the final pathology report from the surgery, the Radiation Oncologist determined that I would not need radiation therapy!!  The Medical Oncologist however had some further testing done on the tumors called an Oncotype DX test.  What this test determines is the likelihood of recurrence of the cancer coming back just somewhere else in the body.  Unfortunately my score came back as a High Intermediate so preventative chemotherapy is strongly recommended.  Well, I was definitely not happy about that so I had the right to refuse so I did not give my ok to accept the treatment right then.  Thank God for a family friend who is an Oncologist on the west coast, I gave her a call and she took the time to go over my test results.  At the end of it all, she came to the same conclusion as my Oncologist.  We talked through side effects, the pros and cons just as I did with my Oncologist which helped me make the decision to go ahead and do the preventative chemotherapy.  So over a 12 week period I will have 4 courses of treatment and then I will be placed on an anti-estrogen therapy for the next 5 – 10 years.

Well let me tell you all, that despite this piece of news, I still continue to think positive, pray and will keep on smiling down this path of my journey.

IT’S A SPEED BUMP, NOT A ROADBLOCK!

​IT JUST GOT REAL

One day away from my surgery, last day in the office for a couple of weeks, I receive well wishes from my coworkers for a speedy recovery. There were many hugs received along with clear directives to make sure that I get much rest so healing can take place. A trip to the airport to pick up my sister Fran who would be taking care of me while I was down was also on the agenda for that day. I was excited that I would get to see my big sis within what was 3 weeks  from her last visit. I was so happy to see her again all be it under the circumstances at hand. 
That afternoon was spent catching up on what happened over the past 3 weeks up to the current moment. As we chatted I packed snack bags of fruits and other items for the long day ahead. One would have thought we were heading out on a road trip, but no such luck. The snacks were to ensure that Frances and Twyla would be covered during my surgery.  I on the other hand was required to fast in preparation of the surgery. 

It’s May 31st the morning of. Did someone hit the fast forward button? I found myself up and dressed for the trip to the hospital.  In no time I was in the room prepping for surgery, going through all the rituals prior to being wheeled off to what would result in my new normal. Apparently when I was given that happy medicine, I giggled as I was transported to the operating room. This is what I was told happened because I certainly don’t recall the majority of that event.  My surgery lasted 5 hours, and for those 5 hours my sisters were right there.  What a wonderful feeling it was to wake up and see them in the room along with my surrogate parents (don’t judge, I have quite a few surrogates in my life). Lol!!  I remember giving a big smile, but not much else after.
It wasn’t until the middle of the night when I consciously raised my hands to my chest that my new normal sank in.  I felt all the bandages and drains but the breasts that I had known for 50 years, that had been a part of my every being were gone.  Well, they did try to kill me so I think it was safe to say no love lost. As the sun came up my surgeon came in to check on me with some great news. She was able to get all the cancer out and the 4 lymph nodes that were tested during the surgery came back clear of cancer so there was no need to remove all the lymph nodes.  Then more good news came when the Physicians Assistant for my plastic surgeon came in and checked on me. Based on how things looked my plastic surgeon was on board with me being able to go home.

During my 24 hour stint in the hospital for the surgery, it seems as if I heard this in one form or another quite a bit from the nurses, the doctor and the PA….”You’re one tough lady!”  So, it seems there must be some truth to it which is why I will continue to keep on smiling through this journey.

EARLY DETECTION SAVES LIVES!!

​SCTs: SCANS CONSULTS AND TESTS

All week I have been thinking to myself, geeez, you need to update this blog more often so that the readers can  be current with where you are today in this journey.  So I am going to make a consorted effort to be more diligent in bringing everyone up to date.

Now that I got that out of the way my journey is really just about to begin now that the diagnosis has been made and has pretty much sunk in. I made a conscious decision to only communicate my diagnosis with very few close friends and family because I wanted to ensure that I would have answers to the questions that I know would come flooding my way. It was also a no brainer for me to not tell my daughter at that point for a few reasons. I didn’t have any answers to questions she may have had and she was wrapping up school doing end of course tests. So I figured by the time I met with the surgeon I would feel more comfortable to share with her.

With the diagnosis in hand, I was immediately scheduled to have a breast MRI done, with and without contrast. This test would require contrast dye to be injected in me to highlight any abnormalities of the blood vessels within the breasts. Oh that breast MRI experience was interesting to say the least , but once again the staff at the Baptist imaging center was awesome.

There is no way that I can continue without introducing you to my Breast Navigator Nurse (BNN) Marcelle. Well let me tell you, she is one awesome lady. She is like the bff you didn’t know you had. Our first few interactions were via phone calls, but the first time I spoke to her, I felt like I was just walking and talking with a close friend I hadn’t seen in a while. She was compassionate, encouraging, understanding and funny. I could go on and on but you get the picture. Marcelle gave me a list or surgeons to choose from, she provided me a site to review each of them so that I could make an informed decision. Once my decision was made she immediately set up my consultation with what turned out to be my personal breast cancer team of doctors. The breast surgeon, plastic surgeon, radiation oncologist and medical oncologist. 
On consultation day, I showed up to the surgeon’s office with my entourage though be it small. My sister Frances on the right who already had plans to visit long before this story/journey was ever began. On the left I had my surrogate sister/BFF Twyla. We walked into that room together like gangstas!! Ok, so maybe not quite gangster like but you get the picture. It was at the consult that I met Marcelle my BNN and the team of doctors that would be providing my care. They would each examine me and talk to me about what their role would be in this process to beat breast cancers butt!

My breast surgeon Dr. Paetau went over my breast MRI results explaining every detail with precision and most of all compassion.  She gave me both good news and bad news. Good news, the blood vessels in the breasts were not impacted by the cancer so no abnormalities. The bad news, because of the size of the tumors and the amount of tissue that would have to be removed I would need to have a mastectomy. Immediately I felt like I was punched in the gut which knocked the air out of me. Dr. Paetau went on to share that sometimes women opt to remove both breasts to lower the risk of the cancer showing itself in the other breast in the future. My ‘posse’ gathered around me as I shed my first tear, but the tears didn’t last very long. Once again, I did what I think I do best. I pulled myself together, wiped the tears and with confidence told Dr. Paetau to take them both. Whatever had to be done to take care of this, I was willing to do, especially if it would reduce the risk of it showing up in the healthy breast in the future. 

As we sat in the room waiting to meet with the rest of the team, we were mulling  over what was just shared and then with a burst of excitement I said, I will get a new set of ‘girls’, and I get to pick the size! We all burst out in laughter which took the edge off the last intense 15 – 20 minutes. Yes, I am pretty sure the staff outside thought that we were a strange set, laughing during what most would consider a devastating time in their life.  Well…..I did say I was going to smile through it every step of the way.

The consult continued with the radiation oncologist and then the medical oncologist. Both providing lots of information and patiently answering all the questions that I had and those of my sisters. Unfortunately the plastic surgeon was unable to make the consult, but I was able to meet with him separately a couple of days later. At the end of the group consult my BNN presented me with a book filled with information on breast cancer resources, contacts, what to expect pre-surgery, and post surgery. It was more information than I could have ever imagined. 

To prepare for my surgery on May 31st, yes it had already been scheduled, I had a laundry list of tests that I had to have done. Bone scan, ultrasound, PET scan, blood work. I was one busy lady for the next couple of weeks.  My sister Fran had to head back home but was prepared to return for my surgery. Finally, I told my baby girl as I was now armed with information and she is fine. She knows that I am here whenever she has questions and if she doesn’t want to talk to me there are counselors and support groups for children of cancer parents that we can use.  

At the end of it all, the Big C will learn who is the boss, and there will be some new perky boobs on this fabulously 50 lady. Isn’t that something to keep smiling about?! 

                               SAVE THOSE GIRLS, GET THEM CHECKED!!